The Photo Shoot That Made Me Question Everything

Posted by Julia | 5 min read

Last month I hired a professional photographer to update my escort advertising photos. The shoot made me realize some uncomfortable things about this work.

The photographer specializes in boudoir and adult entertainment photos. He's worked with lots of escorts and porn actresses.

Nice guy, very professional. Made me comfortable during an awkward situation.

But watching myself pose in lingerie while a strange man took pictures for other strange men to look at online hit me differently than usual.

There's something about seeing yourself through a camera lens that makes everything more real. More objectifying.

During regular appointments, I can maintain some psychological distance. This is work, these are clients, I'm providing a service.

But posing for photos that would be used to advertise my body to hundreds of potential clients felt more degrading somehow.

The photographer directed me into positions designed to show off specific body parts. "Turn your hips this way, arch your back more, look over your shoulder."

I realized I was literally being packaged and marketed like a product.

The photos came out beautiful. Professional lighting, perfect makeup, expensive lingerie. I looked amazing.

But looking at the finished images made me sad in ways I couldn't explain at first.

Those photos weren't really me. They were a fantasy version created to appeal to male clients. Performance of femininity designed to sell services.

The woman in the photos looked confident and seductive. The real me felt disconnected and weird about the whole process.

I posted the photos on my advertising sites and immediately got more booking requests. They were effective marketing.

But something about reducing myself to marketing images bothered me more than usual.

Maybe it was seeing the business transaction so clearly. Here's my body, professionally photographed, for men to choose from like items in a catalog.

Or maybe I was just having a bad week and overthinking everything.

The photos helped my business and I'll probably use that photographer again. But the experience reminded me why I want to transition out of this work.

There's something dehumanizing about being reduced to advertising images, even beautiful ones.

Regular jobs don't require you to literally sell your appearance and sexuality to make money.

I know some girls love photo shoots and feel empowered by creating beautiful images of themselves.

For me, it highlighted the aspects of escort work that sometimes make me uncomfortable.

The disconnect between who I am as a person and how I have to present myself professionally.